The past is the past
The past is the past
The third thing to remember is the past is the past. Where your step kids are concerned, you will always have to deal with their other parent, and so will your spouse. However, when it comes to you and your spouse, he chose you, don’t let jealousy interfere, he and his ex separated for a reason. Don’t think that when they talk it is anything more than what it is unless you have just cause to suspect something. You harboring unrealistic animosity towards their past relationship will only pull you and your spouse apart. Ask yourself if it’s worth it before adding that stressor to your marriage.
The fourth and last thing to remember is that you are a third party in this situation. Even if you and your husband have custody of the children, she will always be their biological mother. He will always be their biological father. You may be single handedly raising the kids on your own while dad works. She may see them once a year, and never call. Doesn’t matter, she gave birth to them and will always feel like she has more rights than you. Whether you think that is right or wrong, it’s something that you must accept to a degree and learn how to deal with it. And while doing so, never stop being the best mom you can be to your kids and your step kids.